Occasionally, you'll meet a girl you have a lot of chemistry with, but for some reason, you don't want to commit to her. So you remain friends with the girl, while still being intimate with each other.
The problem with these arrangements is that eventually, the girl will want to turn it into something more, and snag you into a relationship. In cases like this, you need to have RULES to keep this from happening.
Here are some tips for keeping the "Friends With Benefits" alive and well, for as long as possible.
1.No spending the night.
Letting her spend the night, or spending the night at her place sends the wrong message! It communicates a desire to settle down. If you can, keep the encounters at her place, and then leave. It's much nicer than kicking her out of your place.
2. Keep cuddling to a minimum!
Doing a lot of intimate stuff is going to create an emotional desire for more. Avoid this! You want to keep things physical rather than emotional. Fifteen minutes of cuddling is the max I would recommend. But displays of affection is generally discouraged.
3. Do not enter into a "Friends With Benefits" arrangement while drunk.
There's a difference between a one-night stand and a friend with benefits. But entering either drunk is not wise. God forbid there's a beer-goggles situation. You don't want to go to bed with a supermodel and wake up with a dog, do you? Besides, don't you want to be sober enough to remember all the marvelous fun you had the night before?
4. No leave-behinds!
Do not allow the girl to leave any of her stuff at your place! No toothbrushes, no clothes - nothing! There should be no ties at all. Believe me, women WILL try and do this if they're over enough times, just for "convenience." But it's really a doorway into moving more and more things in, until she's effectively attached herself to you.
5. Don't discuss any important issues.
You have to avoid getting intimate, and nothing creates intimacy like important stuff. Family history, favorite pets, hopes and dreams, triumphs or tragedy. If you want it to stay this way, keep it light. Favorite bands, drinks, and movies are okay.
6. No pet names.
No sweetie, honey, schmoopie allowed. Once you start with the nick names, a sense of ownership is implied. Don't even call her "babe." Keep it to her name only, because once you start with the terms of endearment, she's going to get the wrong idea.
7. No dinners, no movies, no "quality time" of any sort.
If she insists on going out at all, meet her at a bar for drinks no earlier than ten o'clock at night. The hour between nine and ten is the gray zone between when a real date starts and when it's just a hook-up. Going out late means you don't have to go through the effort of buying her dinner and talking, you just want to get to the good stuff.
8. Hide all evidence of your arrangement.
Throw out all condom wrappers (although you should no matter what), change your sheets, and don't get any hickeys, bruises, bites, or scratches if you expect to date anyone else any time soon.
9. Always play it safe!
One of the sad realities of life is that women will sometimes do dirty things to hook a guy, and one of those things is getting pregnant. So always, always, ALWAYS use condoms and birth control when playing with your friend with benefits!
And more importantly, be sure to properly dispose of the condoms after you're done! Flush 'em down that toilet to make sure there's no possibility of "leakage."
10. Pee with the door closed.
Just because you're using each other for thrills doesn't mean you can't keep some decency.
Are these rules harsh? Maybe, but then again, this type of relationship might not be something you can handle. I know many people who can get it on and not get attached, but most just can't do it. Understand it can be a cruel playing field, and ask yourself what you are willing to do, or not do. Let that question be your guide. - 15437
The problem with these arrangements is that eventually, the girl will want to turn it into something more, and snag you into a relationship. In cases like this, you need to have RULES to keep this from happening.
Here are some tips for keeping the "Friends With Benefits" alive and well, for as long as possible.
1.No spending the night.
Letting her spend the night, or spending the night at her place sends the wrong message! It communicates a desire to settle down. If you can, keep the encounters at her place, and then leave. It's much nicer than kicking her out of your place.
2. Keep cuddling to a minimum!
Doing a lot of intimate stuff is going to create an emotional desire for more. Avoid this! You want to keep things physical rather than emotional. Fifteen minutes of cuddling is the max I would recommend. But displays of affection is generally discouraged.
3. Do not enter into a "Friends With Benefits" arrangement while drunk.
There's a difference between a one-night stand and a friend with benefits. But entering either drunk is not wise. God forbid there's a beer-goggles situation. You don't want to go to bed with a supermodel and wake up with a dog, do you? Besides, don't you want to be sober enough to remember all the marvelous fun you had the night before?
4. No leave-behinds!
Do not allow the girl to leave any of her stuff at your place! No toothbrushes, no clothes - nothing! There should be no ties at all. Believe me, women WILL try and do this if they're over enough times, just for "convenience." But it's really a doorway into moving more and more things in, until she's effectively attached herself to you.
5. Don't discuss any important issues.
You have to avoid getting intimate, and nothing creates intimacy like important stuff. Family history, favorite pets, hopes and dreams, triumphs or tragedy. If you want it to stay this way, keep it light. Favorite bands, drinks, and movies are okay.
6. No pet names.
No sweetie, honey, schmoopie allowed. Once you start with the nick names, a sense of ownership is implied. Don't even call her "babe." Keep it to her name only, because once you start with the terms of endearment, she's going to get the wrong idea.
7. No dinners, no movies, no "quality time" of any sort.
If she insists on going out at all, meet her at a bar for drinks no earlier than ten o'clock at night. The hour between nine and ten is the gray zone between when a real date starts and when it's just a hook-up. Going out late means you don't have to go through the effort of buying her dinner and talking, you just want to get to the good stuff.
8. Hide all evidence of your arrangement.
Throw out all condom wrappers (although you should no matter what), change your sheets, and don't get any hickeys, bruises, bites, or scratches if you expect to date anyone else any time soon.
9. Always play it safe!
One of the sad realities of life is that women will sometimes do dirty things to hook a guy, and one of those things is getting pregnant. So always, always, ALWAYS use condoms and birth control when playing with your friend with benefits!
And more importantly, be sure to properly dispose of the condoms after you're done! Flush 'em down that toilet to make sure there's no possibility of "leakage."
10. Pee with the door closed.
Just because you're using each other for thrills doesn't mean you can't keep some decency.
Are these rules harsh? Maybe, but then again, this type of relationship might not be something you can handle. I know many people who can get it on and not get attached, but most just can't do it. Understand it can be a cruel playing field, and ask yourself what you are willing to do, or not do. Let that question be your guide. - 15437
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