One of the books we read several years ago was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The information we gained from The Five Love Languages has been very useful to us over the years because of the fact that its unlocked the secret of not only how Julie and I like to be loved, but also how we like to give love, which may or may not be the same way.
What are the Five Languages of Love?
Love languages are time, touch, service, gifts and words. Everyone has a language that makes them feel loved and cared for. You can have two but not usually. Figuring out what someones love language is can be quite challenging and possibly cause problems, like this:
My adorable bride turned 50 this year. I wanted to go all out for her special day and put my head together with other family members to set up a memorable weekend going to one of our favorite events (WSU Cougar basketball - Go Cougs!) down in Pullman. And on Valentine's Day! And just us, no kids! Man, was I a great gift giver or what and couldn't wait to give it to her. I had planned everything tickets, hotel, dinner. Everything but childcare while we are gone. I thought we can work that out later, no biggie!
Now let me tell you - she did like the gift, just not jumping up and down screaming excited. Why? Those child care issues weighed heavy for her and overshadowed the rest of the weekend. It was hard for me to understand what the issue was because my love language is time and this hit every note of that. The problem, this wasn't a gift to me, it was a gift for her! It is not uncommon to give love in the same language you receive love in. What will trip you up is if your spouse isn't fluent in that love language too!
The Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick
Lately, we have been going through a marriage program called the Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick. Bear with me here. It is set up to help improve marriages (or keep them together if necessary). We had just learned the importance of really listening to your mate, and that is what I needed to do.
We went out on date night, and had a good time. Toward the end of the evening, Julie said she wanted to talk to me about the birthday present, and I agreed to try, without getting too defensive. I tend to get childish sometimes when I think I've made a mistake, and I didn't want to do that. As we talked through the issue, we came to the realization that although Julie also has the love language of time, she has one that is more important to her. What we determined was that it was very important for the child-care problem to be addressed, and that she didn't have to do it for her to feel loved. I still didn't quite get it, so I asked her what would have been a perfect gift.
The Ideal Gift
She thought for a minute, and said she really enjoyed it when we went out to dinner on her birthday night. I took the night off from work, and had all the kids get dressed up. We made a big deal out of it, and she didnt have to do anything. The conclusion we came up with was that service seems to be her main love language, with time a close second. Service, in the way of someone sacrificing for her, as in me taking the time off and the kids getting dressed up. To prove that further, I had cleaned her car inside and out earlier that day (no small chore with 5 messy kids) and that really gave her that warm, fuzzy feeling.
What a cool thing we learned at the hands of both the Us Factor and the Five Love Languages book. We now have a deeper insight on how to love one another and that helps build deeper intimacy in our marriage! The book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, is one I know I need in my marriage arsenal and thought you might want it too. - 15437
What are the Five Languages of Love?
Love languages are time, touch, service, gifts and words. Everyone has a language that makes them feel loved and cared for. You can have two but not usually. Figuring out what someones love language is can be quite challenging and possibly cause problems, like this:
My adorable bride turned 50 this year. I wanted to go all out for her special day and put my head together with other family members to set up a memorable weekend going to one of our favorite events (WSU Cougar basketball - Go Cougs!) down in Pullman. And on Valentine's Day! And just us, no kids! Man, was I a great gift giver or what and couldn't wait to give it to her. I had planned everything tickets, hotel, dinner. Everything but childcare while we are gone. I thought we can work that out later, no biggie!
Now let me tell you - she did like the gift, just not jumping up and down screaming excited. Why? Those child care issues weighed heavy for her and overshadowed the rest of the weekend. It was hard for me to understand what the issue was because my love language is time and this hit every note of that. The problem, this wasn't a gift to me, it was a gift for her! It is not uncommon to give love in the same language you receive love in. What will trip you up is if your spouse isn't fluent in that love language too!
The Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick
Lately, we have been going through a marriage program called the Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick. Bear with me here. It is set up to help improve marriages (or keep them together if necessary). We had just learned the importance of really listening to your mate, and that is what I needed to do.
We went out on date night, and had a good time. Toward the end of the evening, Julie said she wanted to talk to me about the birthday present, and I agreed to try, without getting too defensive. I tend to get childish sometimes when I think I've made a mistake, and I didn't want to do that. As we talked through the issue, we came to the realization that although Julie also has the love language of time, she has one that is more important to her. What we determined was that it was very important for the child-care problem to be addressed, and that she didn't have to do it for her to feel loved. I still didn't quite get it, so I asked her what would have been a perfect gift.
The Ideal Gift
She thought for a minute, and said she really enjoyed it when we went out to dinner on her birthday night. I took the night off from work, and had all the kids get dressed up. We made a big deal out of it, and she didnt have to do anything. The conclusion we came up with was that service seems to be her main love language, with time a close second. Service, in the way of someone sacrificing for her, as in me taking the time off and the kids getting dressed up. To prove that further, I had cleaned her car inside and out earlier that day (no small chore with 5 messy kids) and that really gave her that warm, fuzzy feeling.
What a cool thing we learned at the hands of both the Us Factor and the Five Love Languages book. We now have a deeper insight on how to love one another and that helps build deeper intimacy in our marriage! The book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, is one I know I need in my marriage arsenal and thought you might want it too. - 15437
About the Author:
Is your marriage crumbling, good but you want great, or somewhere in between? Whatever your situation, take a look at our How To Fix My Marriage website for many more tips and techniques to make your marriage the best possible. Plus, check out the Us Factor Review for more information on this great new marriage product.
