I had an interesting dating experience a few months back that I'd like to share with you. She was a stunning young woman, with a great personality, although she came across as very reserved. Something seemed off. She was preoccupied. Many guys I know might mistake this for some sort of scheming, but experience told me this wasn't the case. I remained calm and found out the truth - she was a widow of a few months.
Often times, guys have to play a strong game with women. Understandably, it's part of the dating process these days, and I'll admit I do it too. This situation was different. It was not the time nor the place to act that way. I didn't have to get the "upper hand" - in fact, that would have been quite a nasty thing to do.
Needless to say, the whole experience was humbling, and I learned a few things that I'll share with you.
As I mentioned above, it's not a time to play the cut throat. You have to know that you aren't just here for a wild fling. You'll have to be very understanding of the situation. She isn't trying to put a guy through the grinder, like many women do. She's trying to feel normal, and to move on with her life. You are dealing with an emotionally wounded person, so act appropriately.
So once you know that this is the case, you have a choice as to whether or not you want to continue with the relationship. Consider what you are getting yourself into before moving in. If she has children, it can be even tougher in this situation. You won't be a bad person for leaving her under these conditions.
Once your decision is made, and if you decide to stay, understand a few things. First, you won't be able to replace the husband. He was taken from her. So don't even try. The process of her moving on is harsh and uneven, so you have to respect that and allow the grief to run it's course.
This can be tough, as any little thing can remind her of the deceased. That is why you need to make a decision and stay with it. A perfectly great night can be ruined in a moment, and there is little to be done about it.
Something else to remember is this: allow her to escape this issue, even if for a short time. Be an outlet for some fun. She'll move on quicker, and the night will seem like any other date. Just push for fun, some excitement, but be mindful. Any don't bring HIM up. That's the last thing either of you wants. If she wants to talk about it, let her, and move on from the topic when you are ready.
In light of what I've written above, I think it goes without saying that you shouldn't push to get her into bed. That should be something she controls. Flirting, and letting her know she is desired is a good thing, but understand that she'll move on that when ready.
Over time, things will change. Just have some tact, and treat her like a normal human being. The romance could move from there, but understand the situation and let the chips fall where they may. It will be a better situation for both of you. - 15437
Often times, guys have to play a strong game with women. Understandably, it's part of the dating process these days, and I'll admit I do it too. This situation was different. It was not the time nor the place to act that way. I didn't have to get the "upper hand" - in fact, that would have been quite a nasty thing to do.
Needless to say, the whole experience was humbling, and I learned a few things that I'll share with you.
As I mentioned above, it's not a time to play the cut throat. You have to know that you aren't just here for a wild fling. You'll have to be very understanding of the situation. She isn't trying to put a guy through the grinder, like many women do. She's trying to feel normal, and to move on with her life. You are dealing with an emotionally wounded person, so act appropriately.
So once you know that this is the case, you have a choice as to whether or not you want to continue with the relationship. Consider what you are getting yourself into before moving in. If she has children, it can be even tougher in this situation. You won't be a bad person for leaving her under these conditions.
Once your decision is made, and if you decide to stay, understand a few things. First, you won't be able to replace the husband. He was taken from her. So don't even try. The process of her moving on is harsh and uneven, so you have to respect that and allow the grief to run it's course.
This can be tough, as any little thing can remind her of the deceased. That is why you need to make a decision and stay with it. A perfectly great night can be ruined in a moment, and there is little to be done about it.
Something else to remember is this: allow her to escape this issue, even if for a short time. Be an outlet for some fun. She'll move on quicker, and the night will seem like any other date. Just push for fun, some excitement, but be mindful. Any don't bring HIM up. That's the last thing either of you wants. If she wants to talk about it, let her, and move on from the topic when you are ready.
In light of what I've written above, I think it goes without saying that you shouldn't push to get her into bed. That should be something she controls. Flirting, and letting her know she is desired is a good thing, but understand that she'll move on that when ready.
Over time, things will change. Just have some tact, and treat her like a normal human being. The romance could move from there, but understand the situation and let the chips fall where they may. It will be a better situation for both of you. - 15437
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